The Art Of Doing It Alone

One of the biggest problems with the already difficult task of improving yourself and chasing your dreams is our need to fit in. 

We are social creatures and have been that way since the beginning. However, what comes with becoming better is being different from everyone around you. 

This brings a new set of challenges that may not have been at the forefront of your mind when starting, but quickly become evident when you begin. 

You may no longer fit in with your friends, you may no longer have any friends who are on the same path,  you now have to deal with the disapproval of your family members and you will most definitely deal with the gravitational pull that draws you closer to your old self. 

This is normal, this is the cost of becoming who you really want to be.

There is a reason I have called it an art. Going through this stage of your life is like a tightrope of balancing very complicated human emotions.

Who 

When you decide to become someone new, you’re equally “unbecoming” someone too, and the question I ask is, who led you to become that person to begin with? 

As the saying goes, you become who you surround yourself with. 

The person you are trying to change is most likely no different to everyone around you, and a direct byproduct of your friends and family, therefore, changing means being different to almost everyone you know. 

This means growing out of your current friends.

I want to be clear, if you’re friends are the type of people who do and want what the dream version of yourself does and wants, you have the right friends. If not, this applies. 

Alex Harmozi calls this the ‘Lonely chapter’, and says the following:

“Every single person who wants to do something with their life and has done something with their life has gone through the exact chapter you’re going through, and it’s the lonely chapter, it’s the chapter where you don’t fit in with your own friends, but you don’t have the outcomes yet to fit in with a new group of friends”

The point is, to become the person you want to be, you have to let go of the people stopping you from getting there, no matter how painful it is. 

What makes matters worse, is you will most likely have family members, the people who raised you, the people you love and idolise the most, telling you what you’re doing is wrong. 

Just remember, when family doubt you, it's a win-win situation for them. They are correct if you fail and proud if you win.

There is one quote that always comes to mind when dealing with people doubting me or questioning me or telling anything of this nature, and that’s a quote by Chris Williamson.

“Don't take advice from someone you wouldn't switch lives with. If they don't have what you want, don't listen to what they say"

If they don’t have what you want, don’t listen to what they say!!

It may only be a short quote, but it answers everything. Yes, they may be three times your age, yes they may be the person you have always looked up to, yes they be the person you’re ‘supposed’ to listen to.

But if they don’t have what you want, their opinions on what you want become irrelevant.

Sometimes during this period, the only person who routes for you is you, so you need to be the best wingman you can be, but how? 

How

The best thing you can do to become your greatest supporter is not allow yourself to be affected or influenced by the lack of support you receive along the way.

There are a couple of ways this can be done, the first thing to ensure you do is listen or watch the people who DO have the life you want, as much as possible. 

In this digital age, everything is available for consumption, just make sure what you consume ties into where you’re headed. 

When in-person support is scarce, listening to people online may be you’re only source.

Also, making sure you put yourself in situations where meeting the people worth listening to is more likely to occur can be a great outlet.

Although these things may help, they alone will never be enough to stop you from reverting to your old ways. 

For that, you must remind yourself of why you decided to change in the first place.

When the path of becoming who you want to be gets rough, you need to remember that the previous path, was one you decided to no longer follow. 

You have already been there, and it wasn't where you wanted to be, therefore, the pain of change is a worthy sacrifice to get you there.

Whenever feelings and thoughts arise that make you question whether what you’re doing is worth it, just remember these two options.

Stick with the short-term discomfort that leads you to a life you want to live with people you want to live it with. Or, give into the comfort of reverting to a life you’ve already decided you don’t want, forever knowing you’d rather live a different one.