Self-Identity And How It’s Stopping You From Creating Lasting Change.

Have you ever tried something new, only for it to last no more than a week or two? 

Maybe it was a new diet, maybe you tried quitting something harmful, or maybe you decided to finally lose that weight that has been slowly building for some time. 

Whatever it may be, we have all tried and failed attempting to become better versions of ourselves.

The true frustration comes when we imagine where we’d be today if we had simply stuck to that commitment, we’d more than likely be someone we’d rather be.

So, why couldn’t we stick to it? Was it too hard for us? We’re we too weak? Too lazy? Or do we have some other type of excuse that takes responsibility out of our hands completely? 

I'm inclined to believe none of the above is true, that the concept I am going to be describing is the underlying cause of all failed attempts, and that fully understanding it will allow you to create lasting change. 

Self-Identity 

I do not want to delve too deep into the psychology behind self-identity, however, it’s necessary to understand its core principles in order to ensure you never quit anything again. 

Self-identity - “the perception or recognition of one's characteristics as a particular individual, especially in relation to social context.”

Essentially, self-identity is how we view ourselves, and how the people around us view us. It is determined by our actions, beliefs and thoughts. 

There is a problem with self-identity though, and that’s if it doesn’t match with our actions, it causes cognitive dissonance. 

Cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort that results from the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioural decisions and attitude change.

This is a problem because when we commit to something new, we identify with it, and if our actions do not align with the new identity, we will experience cognitive dissonance.

Okay, so what? Well during cognitive dissonance, we may try to reduce the discomfort we are experiencing by re-aligning our identity and accompanying actions, we just may re-align with the identity we don’t want.

The only way to commit to a new habit or challenge and identify with it without experiencing cognitive dissonance would be to remain consistent with the new identity in everything we do.

What This Looks Like Practically

You may be wondering how any of this could possibly relate to your New Year's resolutions, so let me break it down.

Let's say you decide to start running, well now you don’t just run, you’re now a runner. 

You may think, that to avoid cognitive dissonance and accurately self-identify as a runner, you just simply need to keep running. 

This isn’t exactly true because if we break down what being a runner means, it’s not only running. Being a runner means being disciplined, consistent, healthy and everything else. 

So, with this in mind, even if you continue to run, but you eat foods you promised you wouldn’t, you’re inconsistent with your sleep and you procrastinate your work more often than you know you should, for example, well your actions still contradict the runner's identity.

This is where everyone goes wrong.

If you do not align ALL of your actions with the identity of someone who does what you’re committing to do, you’re going to create cognitive dissonance, and once this happens, your brain will subconsciously fight to gain some consistency, and it’ll more often than not choose the identity which has the lowest effort. 

Everything you do outside of running will slowly leak into what you do with running until you eventually stop running altogether.

Sound familiar? 

What To Do Now

The next time you decide to commit yourself to a new challenge or a new you, you need to keep this concept front of mind. 

You need to understand that to change, you have to fully commit to the new identity and change in every way, changing in some ways but not others will never last, and you’ll end up back where you began. 

However, it may be even more important to take note of this once you are at the optimal state of growth. Once you have committed to your new identity, and are exactly where and who you want to be, do everything you can to stay there.

You do not have to be perfect, everyone misses a day, but whatever you do, never let it persist.

How you do the small things determines how you do the big things, simultaneously, how you do some things determines how you do everything, therefore, keeping your identity intact by remaining consistent and disciplined throughout should be a priority.

This is why sticking to your promises is so important, if you say you’re going to run 3 miles, you run 3 miles, if you say you’re not going to eat the burger, never eat the burger. 

So, going forward, take note of who it is you’re trying to become, and fully commit yourself to them in every sense possible, never break your promises and whatever you do, never jeopardise your self-identity.